Madi Bear

Madi Bear...that is what we call you. I am not sure how it came to be, but it has already stuck. For all we know you won't look like a bear at all. We started taking our birthing class in the hopes of having the best birth possible to bring you into the world as peacefully as possible. The book they gave us suggested writing you letters and so I thought I would give it a try.

Your daddy and I already love you more than we can stand. Every morning when he leaves for work and I am still in bed, he gives me a kiss and then kisses and rubs my belly and tells you he loves you and hopes you have a great day. You will be completely still and then as soon as daddy rubs my belly you start pushing against his hand and rolling around. As crazy as it sounds, I think you know who he is. Sometimes you push so hard it feels as if you are trying to get out to get to him. You do the exact same thing at the end of the day when I get home from work and your daddy asks how your day was. It is such a special thing. I hope you adore him just as much when you actually arrive.

Last night we used a flash light to play with you. Now that you can see light through the belly you just go crazy when we shine a light on you. It is so fun. The doctor tells me that you are supposed to start moving a lot less because you are running out of room, but I think you are moving more. You are stronger now, so sometimes you kick so hard it actually startles me. Already, you are working to keep me on my toes.

We have less than seven weeks to go, but we are getting anxious to meet you. We have all sorts of predictions about what type of baby you will be. We think you will be really energetic and possibly a little high maintenance. You seem to already make all of the decisions :) Sometimes you stick your foot behind one of my hips making it impossible for me to stand up until you move, you decide when I have to pee, and if and when I get a good night sleep. Still... I am never annoyed, just overjoyed it is you causing all of that trouble. I am excited to meet you and excited to see how our life will change. There are so many fun things to learn about you. Will you be a good eater? Will you be a good sleeper? Will you be social and love people like we do?All of these are fun things that we get to figure out. No matter what, we already love you and know that we will love you even more with every day. Thank you for working your way to us and being patient with me on days when I am on the go 10 plus hours at a time. You have truly been a great sport! I promise we will have more mellow days to come and will relax lots when you get here.

See you soon.
Love always,
your mommy.

I'm ready

I am over the hump of feeling sad to give up being pregnant and now I am just excited to meet Madi. I have enjoyed her so much and she really has been easy on my body which I really appreciate. I love watching and feeling her move in my belly. The hiccups are my favorite, but I am sure they are annoying to her ;) he he. Sometimes I will be trying to get homework done, run errands, do laundry, clean and vacuum, make meals, etc and everything takes twice as long because Madilynn is sometimes less than cooperative. Those times are when she wants to stretch out and push like she is trying to break right out of my belly or she will stick a foot in my hip making it more difficult to walk. Still, I am not the least bit annoyed. Instead I am so grateful I get to have a little one even if it means I can't do what I used to. At the end of the day, anything I don't get done is worth knowing my little one is healthy and moving all around. A few weeks ago I was able to hear her hiccups on the doppler at my OB appointment and it literally took my breath away.

I am excited to see what she looks like. Will she have hair? What color will it be? How much will she weight? How long will she be? Will she be a good sleeper? Will she be a good eater? Will she be filled with energy or more of a mellow baby? I am so excited to find out all of these things about her. Strangely, I am even excited to experience labor. It is something I have never done and I really do love new experiences despite the negative connotation that labor can have. I know it will all be worth it. I feel ready for her. There are still some things that we need for her, but emotionally, I now I can hack this. I am ready to show her how much I love her. I am ready for her to meet her daddy (though I know she can hear him, because she always goes crazy at night when he gets home from work). I only need her to stay in here another 3 - 4 weeks to ensure her lungs are ready to go and then it is up to her. We are ready when she is. :)

Overwhelmed but hopeful

I have sooooooo much to do! Somehow, I always manage to over extend myself and then proceed to have emotional breakdowns when the load gets too heavy. Oh man do I have some bad habits. Last week was an insane week of school and work and this week does not look to be any better. I have midterms, am fighting some sort of sickness, am working extra hours, and have extra jobs that need to get done before my mother in law gets here for my baby shower. Still, as stressed as I am I know that in just a couple of weeks this crazy will have passed and I will be on my way to the last few weeks of this pregnancy. :)

Sharing is hard at all ages

Prepare yourself.... this is ridiculous.

I have less than 9 weeks to go until my Madi bear is due to join our family and I am experiencing serious sadness over the whole thing. I LOVE being pregnant and am so sad for that to be coming to an end. I feel very blessed and realize I am one of the lucky few that is still comfortable at this point and never experienced even a hint of morning sickness. I am grateful for that and I really do think that has enhanced the experience that much more. As excited as I am to meet her, I don't quite feel ready to share her with the world. I want to give birth and keep her all to myself. Yes, I know... it's absurd and impossible. I am hoping these feelings pass. Somehow I love this little person more than I have ever loved anything and I have never even met her. It's so surreal and exciting all at the same time. In my tummy, I can feel her move and kick and I know she is content and happy. She receives all the nourishment she needs and never cries. Once she is in the real world, it is one day closer to the trials and tribulations of the world and that breaks my heart. It's one day closer to the first time she gets sick, ends up in the emergency room, or gets a broken heart. I wish I could do the impossible, and protect her from all hurt in the world. I take comfort knowing that ultimately, God knows her life plan and will take care of her in ways that I can not. Still, I am not quite ready to let go. I am sure all of this is stemming from my out-of-control hormones and emotions. When she gets here, it will all have been worth it and these feelings will seem like a distant memory... I hope.