Happy Holidays

It is finally Christmas break. I just barely made it through finals and I am now sitting in North Carolina with my husband and In-laws ready to celebrate for the Holiday. It is such a joy to spend it with this part of the family. Having grown up in an extremely dis-functional family, Christmas often ended in tears and disappointment. Christmas with the in laws is loving and exciting and is always filled with lots of memories. We will eat Chinese food and watch Christmas movies tonight. Tomorrow we will open gifts and enjoy a Christmas Feast followed by a trip to the movies. It has been so wonderful to see their Christmas traditions and I love the idea of someday taking some of their traditions and some of my own to create a Christmas that is just as joyful for our family. Iwish everybody a very Merry Merry Christmas!!!!

It's the most wonderful time of the year

I love Christmas... I realize it's a cheesey thing to say because most people love Christmas but I'm still psyched. We have decorated our beautiful 8 foot tree along with the rest of our home. My Christmas shopping is finished and I have only one final left. I feel so relieved the end of the semester has arrived and I am extremely excited about our trip to NC. We usually spend the Holiday in North Carolina with my in laws. I am hopeful this next year will be amazing filled with lots of surprises. As soon as I get the picture of our tree uploaded it I will add it to this post.

I AM BACK!!!

This has officially been the longest blog drought ever. I am going to do my best to sum up what I have been up to. This will fill you in and then hopefully I will be better about sticking to it.

Keep this next part a secret. Harldy anyone reads this so I am not to worried about it getting around. In July, Ben and I decided we wanted to try to have a baby. We were super excited and it has pretty much been all I can think about. We were unsuccessful in our effort obviously.

In August, I was diagnosed with Papillary Carcinoma which is a form of thyroid cancer. I went to my yearly physical and my primary care noticed a nodule on my thyroid gland in my neck. Baby making had to be put on hold :( This was somewhat devestating for me. I realize it is over dramatic but now that 5 months have passed I feel the need for a baby all the more.

In September, I underwent surgery to remove my thyroid. The recovery process was difficult but not unbearable. For those that don't know, your thyroid controls your body temperature, energy levels, appetite, and metabolism. I am now on medication that takes the place of my thyroid. While it has taken time to get regulated on the correct dose of medication I should be leveling out this month. Pray for good results from my lab this week. The great thing about all of this, is that it was caught really early and I am now cancer free.

The surgery set me back quite a bit because I had just started a new nanny job and was in school full time. It has been torturous trying to survive these last few months. I have been exhausted beyond belief and have had to fight against my body to maintain my life. Fortunately, next week is my last week of the semester and I can say I survived it.

The best news... once my medication levels out with my system, Ben and I can go back to our original plan from July... A baby. Lets hope we have no more emergencies.

Now you know why I have been so consumed with other things. I'll try to keep you in the loop here on out.

Summer Lovin'

I just LOOOOVE summer time meals and so I thought I would take a moment to share some of my favs with you. In the winter there are hot meat dishes, warm breads and baked goods, chili's, and soups alike. However, in the summertime there are delicious options that are fast and easy. Plus there is a wide variety of fruits and vegetables in season. Here are some of the easy meals Ben and I have had on the hot days when we needed a light and refreshing dinner.
Sometimes there is no cooking necessary. Just a lot of slicing. We made a dipping oil with Parmesan cheese and crushed red pepper. We had crackers, a baguette, sausage, cheddar cheese, tomato, and mozzarella cheese!! Sometimes we subsitute out the tomato and mozzarella for pop corn and grapes.Other times you need to break out the frying pan, but only for a moment, and you can still have a light meal. Ben had made grilled chicken the night before and we had left overs. We decided to slice the chicken thin and add tomato and mozzarella on wheat bread. With it there is romaine salad with lite olive oil vinagarette. :) One of my favorites.













This is a new recipe I came across from good old Betty Crocker. It is Romain Lettuce, layered with a pasta salad with black beans and corn, shredded cheddar cheese, and cherry tomatos.The recipe calls for olives but Ben despises them so I left them out. It pairs really well with blazing buffalo dorito chips and sour cream and guacamole. This is one of our new favorites and it looks great all together on a plate.

What are some of your favorite summer time meals?

Young Love

I have really been enjoying this stage of my life. Ben and I have been married for a year and a half now and it has been everything and more. We have really made the most of our summer and we are relishing in the opportunities we have as a young married couple. While we want kids, eventually, we still love the freedom we have now to take random weekend trips. Stay out late for drinks. And just roll with the flow of life. Ben is the kind of husband that is usually helpful around the house and takes the initiative to handle all of our finances. In addition, he shares most of the household responsibilities with me and often will do some of the grocery shopping. I feel so blessed to have such an involved husband who takes care and pride in our life. I am sure that when we settle down for a family he will be an amazing father. In the mean time we are happy to be where we are at, but at the same time we are always excited and looking forward to the little surprises God throws in for us.

Summer where are you?

It is nearing mid July and we have had very few summerlike days here in Boston. Most days have been rainy and glum and have failed to even break 75 degrees. Despite this, I am determined to make this summer worth while. Tomorrow will be a sunny day with a high of 73 and I am headed to the Beach. Pretty chilly for beach weather, but at this point I will take what I can get. I have packed lunch and snacks, bathing suits, chairs, and the towels are ready to go. Come 9am Ben and I will be heading out to pick up our friends Chelsey and Tim to pretend it is a hot summer day.

Since summer will not come to me, I have to make it appear. Summer to me is supposed to be vacation time to gear up for the sad and cold winter. With that in mind, we are heading to Vermont for Beer fest next weekend. The weekend following Ben and I will be taking a Stay-cation right here in Boston. Then we will spend a weekend in Indiana with family and I will head to Seattle for a week long vacation in mid August with my sister and my beautiful nieces. It may not be sweltering hot outside, but there is no fun lacking in the summer department.

Feeling Blessed

Well readers, it has been a while since I have shared my life, but while I have been gone I have been enjoying lifes simple pleasures. I returned yesterday from a week long vacation in North Carolina visiting the in laws. It was a BLAST. There was so much laughter, many tears, and deep conversations. We sat under the sun by the pool, ate at delicious restaurants, played card games and monopoly world, played practical jokes on one another and over all enjoyed each others company. If even possible, I feel like I got even closer with my sister in law and my mother in law. That is a wonderful blessing in itself.

On the fourth we attended a beautiful wedding. There is something about Weddings that makes me feel more in love with my husband when I didn't even know it was possible. I think it takes me back to the day we exchanged our vows and it excites me to think about our future. How many kids will we have? When will we have them? Where will we live? There are so many surprises still left and I can't help but feel excited about the unknown.



Unfortunately, I am back home and about to get ready for work. I am hoping to remain positive throughout this rainy day and look forward to next weekend when we will hopefully be at Vermont Beer Fest.

Craving Vacation

At my previous job I was allowed two weeks paid vacation per year and I had only 5 paid holidays. It was soooo difficult to take trips and I always felt guilty Ben and I couldn't do more. Now that I am back in school full time and nannying I have more flexible time. Problem is, now Ben does not have the vacation time. :( we have been able to take small weekend trips to visit my in laws in North Carolina, but no trips for just the two of us. I am going to visit my sister in Seattle in July, but Ben can not make the trip with me. We have tried to look for a weekend where we could get a weekend alone together somewhere, however, we seem to have plans every weekend until August. I feel slightly defeated in my get away attempts, so I am just trying to remember how grateful I am that I have such a wonderful husband to spend my days with and little vacations is simply a luxury that we do not need. Still, I would not turn down any opportunitues that came our way ;)

Finished at last

Finished at last. Above is my living room. It is a little dark, but it was hard to work with the black leather couches that were given to us for our wedding, We got new curtains and added the new comfy chair to the room. I think that the new curtains make it a little more homey. :) But, nothing compares to the beautiful kitchen below. Ben and I painted it together, making that one of our first home project together. It was so fun to accomplish all of this together. We felt so productive and capable. P.S. Home Depot rules. Not only can you get actual paint samples to put on your wall to test out, but you can by paint with primer already in it. How amazing. It saves you one coat of paint, ends up costing less, and because you're able to bring home actual mini cans of paint for testing you get the color you really want. :) Our first painting experience was
delightful.

Slowed Down

I HATE to be slowed down. Anytime something interferes with my already set plans I get very agitated and anxious. I had made an appointment with an oral surgeon months ago to have a wisdom tooth removed. I then, unfortunately, forgot all about it. On tuesday I got a confirmation call saying my appointment was two days later. OH NO! I had big plans for this weekend. I have to paint my kitchen, go to this amazing Greek festival that only comes once a year (Best food EVER), and we have a graduation party to go to. Needless to say, my face hurts and is swollen so I look like I am talking with my mouth full. NOT pretty. So, in the moment I am lying low and hoping that I will feel much better tomorrow because I am definitely still going to paint, go to the Greek festival and try to eat, and I am still going to the Graduation Party. I am most definitely stubborn and will not let this ruin my weekend plans.

Productivity Masks Emotionality

As you know I have been going insane trying to do an apartment make over of sorts. I got overly excited about painting the kitchen and when I asked Ben if we could do it this weekend, he said "NO." He clearly explained that it is nearing the end of our credit card statement and he would rather make the paint purchases on the next credit card cycle. Very understandable and responsible. None the less, I had a melt down consisting of a crying fit. Now, to me and I am sure all of you this appears to be completely ridiculous. Why is this girl throwing a fit because she doesn't get what she wants? So juvenile. I was embarrassed and Ben was confused, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong. After the tears subsided I realized the correlation. This entire situation does not look much different to my actions around the time of my moms death almost one year ago.

I think I am just running around trying to be busy and productive so that I can not be left alone with my own thoughts. It turns out that this is going to be more difficult and emotional that I had anticipated. I know that eventually I will not be able to run and I will have to think about it and get through it. However, I would like to have a safe, comfortable home that is reflective of my hard work to be able to just let out all of the grief and sadness. Until then, I will continue to revamp my apartment.

Spicing things up!!!

My Spring Cleaning is off to an AWESOME start! Not only have I been cleaning, but I have been moving furniture around and redecorating some. I even washed all the windows inside and out. The pictures above are of my dining room and bedroom and I am in love with them. The pictures below are the guest bedroom and the bathroom. The living room and kitchen are not yet complete, as I am hoping to get the kitchen painted as well. I will post when they are done. In the meantime, welcome to my home.


I feel so proud and accomplished so far :) I know it's kind of lame and nerdy to be so happy about cleaning and decortating and moving furniture, but I am still excited.

P.S. while trying to move furniture I pulled a muscle in my back and I couldn't bend for like 24 hours. Note to self: Wait for your husband to get home from work and help you. It's okay not to be as strong as the incredible hulk.

Summa Time Pampering :)

Well, my last final is tomorrow morning and that is a sure sign that it is time to get in the summer mood. I am getting a hair cut tomorrow, as well as a manicure and a pedicure. Can we say SPOILED? Then I am going to proceed to board a flight to North Carolina where I will lay in the sun by a pool in 86 degree weather for 3 days. It really doesn't get any better than this.

I am sorry this blog is so short, but I will have more to write about after my wonderful weekend away.

Spring Cleaning

Is it weird, that I am most excited for finals to be over so that I can do some deep cleaning in the apartment? I know, I know it is, but I don't care. I am going to wash all the windows inside and out, do some serious dusting with wood polish, change all of our sheets and decorations to summer, and rearrange furniture while vacuuming in ever corner and crevice. This does not sound exciting to most, but it is my heaven. And yes, for those that are wondering, I know I am entirely too anal. Again, I don't care. I am going to have a beautifully clean home and I will be doing lots of shopping to make my home something more reflective of our (meaning Ben and I) personalities.

Making a Vow

So far, the working out and healthy eating has been going well. I fear that if I do not make a public vow to continue with this healthier life style, I will soon give up. It has been a rough start trying to retrain my muscle memory and my joints ache. In addition, I have one hip that slips an inch higher than the other, which can making running very painful. I am seeing a chiropractor who adjusts me and does physical therapy, so I just need to hang in there until I level out. With that said, I promise to try my hardest to stay on a workout routine and maintain a healthy food diet for the remainder of the summer at least.

Unexpected

There is nothing better than having a day better than expected. For example, on Monday's I typically work until 7:30 pm, but today I was let off at 5. I was able to go running, workout, do laundry, and take a long shower with enough time to shave my legs. May not seem like a big deal to most, but I rarely find enough time to do one of those things yet along all of them. On top of that, I have completed all of my written assignments for the semester and am free tonight. I am in a wonderful mood and enjoying an amazing second glass of wine :) I love the unexpected days!!!

Feeling Good

Wednesday is the last day of Semester classes!!!!!!! Now I do have finals after but lets focus on the positive... nobody likes a debbie downer and while I sometimes do go there, today I won't.

I have a 25 page paper do on Monday and I finished it last week. That's right... early. I have a small 6 page paper due on Tuesday and I finished that on Friday. That's right again... early. I have found my stride. Unfortunately, I found the stride at the end and so the middle section of the semester was a bit of a stress overload, but who cares. I can now officially enjoy my days without work hanging over my head :)

On top of this academic success, I have exercised just about every day for the last two weeks and have been eating more healthy. Ben has been running with me and it has become such a wonderful time to just talk and catch up. It feels great to accomplish the run, increasing our time and distance each time, together. Here is the real clencher though, I have lost 4 pounds and I am really starting to see the toning come in to play.

Needless to say, I am feeling very encouraged. And the fact that I have been doing some spring online shopping doesn't hurt either. :)

Crabby

I am unbelievably crabby! I have had an insanely crazy week and while I tried to stay positive eventually the negative won me over. There was a MAJOR inconvenience that came up every day starting Tuesday and little by little it has worn me down.

Also, because I have had so much homework to do in the evenings, Ben has gone out with his friends 4 nights this week. This made me really sad because I feel very disconnected from him and I miss him. It isn't really fair for me to complain, because lets face it, I can't expect him to sit around and just watch me do homework so I can be enjoying his company simultaneously. That would be ridiculous and completely unfair to him.

I get so crabby sometimes, that I can't bring myself to want to do anything. I woke up to do homework today :( and Ben went on a tour of the Sam Adams brewery. Ben, trying to be nice, asked if I wanted to go shopping when he got back, but I am too cranky to even entertain the thought. So, I just need to make it through the next few weeks so I can enjoy having a little bit of free time to spend with friends and family and just not be crabby.

Living the Good Life

Today was 73 degrees, the hottest day of the year thus far. Ben and I decided to take advantage and ventured out into the city. Boston's North End is one of my favorite places. We walked down the small one way streets, with the older Italian Man sitting in chairs smoking cigars outside of their apartment buildings. It is so quaint, but so rustic at the same time.



We visited the seals out side of the aquarium, which is something we actually do several times a year. I love that animal! We walked to Christopher Columbus park and sat at the edge of the dock to take in the scenery and remember when he proposed to me in that very spot 24 months ago. I love being married and having the freedom to take small day trips, whether it be far away or near by. There is something comforting knowing, that with your other half you can be happy and content anywhere on any day. Of course, the famous Mike's Pastries does seem to make everything seem wonderful!

Shopper Extraordinaire

Still in the early years of our marriage, it is important that we spend our money wisely. So, my husband has put a cost limit on our weekly grocery shopping. This has taught me to shop carefully and shop sales, sometimes using two groceries stores:) Here's what I bought this weekend that came in at a whopping $49.

1 pk Hot dogs
1 pkhot dog buns
5 apples
1 lb strawberries
2 loaves of bread
1 Gallon of milk
3 bags frozen vegetables
2 boxes pop tarts
1 box sausage links
2 avacados
3 lbs boneless chicken breasts
2 lbs coffee
1 box taco shells
3 cans refried beans
sour cream
2 bottles salad dressing
lettuce
bananas
2 frozen pizzas

Isn't that amazing?!!!!!

Confessions

I hate to admit this, but I have in fact gained ten pounds since I got married. I am sure there are a combination of reasons. Higher stress... i went from an office job with routine hours, to a combined schedule of school full time and a part time nanny position. I guess, in my case the saying is true. You know the one, "Once she gets married, she lets herself go." Well, I am determined to turn that right around and defeat the stereotype. I want to feel good about myself and know that my body is healthy and with the spring approaching, it is as good a time as any. It's back to eating healthy and daily workouts and in a few months I will be back to myself :)

Baby Bug

Yep that's right. I have the baby bug. The babies are every where. I know three people that had babies last week and I am seeing pregnant people everywhere. They are jumping out at me at the super markets, the bank, post office, and any where you can think of. I know that my husband and I are not at an ideal financial place. Still, it is comforting to know that if an oopsie baby were to make an appearance we could make it work. I have had this infamous baby bug before and I know it will pass, but until then I will be ooing and aweing in my head at the sight of every baby and every expecting mom.

The Luckiest!!

I have not blogged in quite a while so I will have to back track to some very important events that have passed.

Last weekend we went on a marriage retreat with our community church group. It was AMAZING!! We returned from the weekend away in beautiful portsmouth feeling really great about where our marriage was at and how our first year finished, but at the same time we felt encouraged to make more positive changes within our marriage. For example, really express the appreciation for the little things we do for one another. Sometimes it can be so easy to forget to share my gratitude. So here, I will list all the little things I love about my husband Ben.

I love...
When he kisses me on the nose and cheeks
makes my coffee for me every morning
brings home little surprises just because... like my favorite candy or a starbucks coffee
waits up for me when I have homework so we can go to bed together
takes me out for a date night every week
pays all of our bills to take the worry off of me
...and so much more

He really is so good to me and I couldn't ask for a better husband. I am definitely a lot to handle and very emotional so it is crazy to think he actually puts in the time and effort to understand me. I really am so lucky!

Kids quotes

Keep in mind Katie is 4 and Jack is 6.
I will update these as I think of more."

"If I were a super hero i would save everyone." - katie

"I love Ben, but don't worry I'm not in love with him." - katie

"I don't know what to do. I don't know who I'm going to marry yet." - jack

"isn't it funny that chili is called chili went it's not cold at all." - jack

" can you be a grown up and not be an old person at the same time?" - Katie

"When a house is for sale it just means it costs less dollars." - jack

" do dolls have blood in them?" - katie

" I eat a lot of carrots so my eyes work better than everybody else's. I can see through my eye lids. Watch turn off the light and i will see it go off with my eyes closed. - katie

after getting katie's hair cut it was really soft and tangle free and i asked her if it felt good and she said "yes, but does it look good?"

People Move

My sister is moving to Georgia next week. People move as we all know and honestly they do it alot. It's a hard concept all of a sudden for me to wrap my mind around. I have lived in different apartments and houses, but they have all been in the Boston Area. I have 4 sisters. We are 21, 22,23, and 24. The youngest is 8. Those of us closer in age are extremely close. One sister lives in Seattle, one in Vegas (although last week moved to GA) and the other who was here with me in Boston is leaving for Georgia on Thursday. She drives me crazy, but still I will miss her. For me it sort of feels like the end of that dream. It was fun while it lasted. Once upon a time, we were all unseperable and our biggest problem was what we were going to wear everyday. So fast we all grew up. 2 of us married, 2 of us with children. New families have been made. It is bitter sweet, we all lose some but we gain some too.

A Great Week!

I can't believe I actually have a moment to write a blog. I finished an exam early and so I have an hour before I need to pick up katie and Jack.

This week has been a whirl wind however I am feeling very encouraged by it. As exhausting as a crazy schedule can be, sometimes when I am in that rush it gets me on my A game. I have been up on time, showered and ready to go everyday. I have been early with homework assignments, even managed to make dinner a few nights, and really enjoyed my busy days with the kids.

On top of all of this, I was able to start my week with a happy attitude. The last couple weeks, Ben and I have gone to a new church on Sunday mornings which has had some really amazing sermons that have convicted me, and at the same time it was so refreshing to be able to see so clearly the things that I can change. I like to feel challenged and inspired and it has been a really long time since I have really felt that way. It helped to open a whole new window of communication for us in our marriage and really brought us closer on an emotional and spiritual level.

Ben went to New York with the guys for a couple days and I am missing him so much that it is border line embarrassing. Luckily, he gets home tonight and I am looking forward to our weekend together to relax coming off of the busy week.

sorry for the all over the place blog. it's hard when you miss an entire week of blogging

Burnt Out

How can a four day week seem so incredibly long? I am afraid I am in over my head and unfortunately there is nothing i can do about it but endure. I certainly can not afford to work any less hours or my husband and I will not make ends meet. As far as school, well the add/drop period is long passed and I am in the throws so there is no turning back. Several nights this week I have broken down from pure exhaustion. There was no real reasoning accept that I was actually sad because I had to stay awake and do homework each night. The real burn out though, was Jack this week.

He has been an amazing angel in weeks passed and I have really enjoyed spending time with them. Because of Jack's severe ADHD, Eileen (his mother) and I decided to take him completely off sugar. It was like night and day. He was a new kid and it was amazing. Then thursday rolled around and Jack managed to sneak an entire box of chocolate chip granola bars. OMG I did not know what to do. He literally ran around the house tearing things apart and several things were broken. I did my best to restrain him, but with so much sugar his central nervous system was just shot. At one point Eileen and I together had to hold him down to get shoes on him so he could run around the house 10 times in the hope that would wear him out. We were unsuccessful. It was about 8 hours before he began to calm down. I was wiped and had to head home to hours of homework.

As I type, I am taking a break from homework on this friday night. Ben is out with people from work and I have to work on Saturday and Sunday night this week. I guess I just sort of feel like I am missing out on my own life. Luckily, I have faith that if I can just get through each semester there is a nice long break before the next. And hopefully 4 semsters will fly by and I will be free to again enjoy my life. Keep me in your prayers.

Shopping

My husband and I have very different ideas of what shopping is. I like to know what it is I am looking for, go find it, purchase it and then be done with the shopping experience. My husband however loves to window shop and just see what is out there available for affordable costs. Sometimes however he does surprise me.

We are in desperate need of a new mattress. It was a gift/hand me down when we were first married and it has become quite a source of frustration. The center sinks in and so all night long we constantly roll into each other and then try to claw ourselves back out on to the edge. With that said, we decided to start looking for mattress' that were in our price range.

We went to Sleepy's and tried out lots of beds. Usually this is the part where I get very uncomfortable because I feel so guilty having a salesman waste all is time on us, when I know we are not going to buy that day. I just want to crawl under one of the beds and just disappear. I had this same problem when we were car shopping. Luckily, my husband made an unexpected move. He bought a bed and scheduled it for next day delivery. Thank goodness. Not only was I saved from complete humiliation, but I will soon be getting a good nights sleep without the hassle of visiting multiple stores.

Dinner Time

For Valentine's day dinner my husband decided to make dinner and what a beautiful mess it was. It's interesting how foreign a kitchen can sometimes be to a man who rarely cooks. I watched him drop several things on the floor, search frantically for certain utensils, and dirty as many dishes as he possibly could in the process. Despite the chaos, he made a wonderful and heart felt meal. Steak, homemade mashed potatoes, and ceaser salad. You know you are in love, when no matter the disaster you still think they are the greatest thing in the world.

Chicken Kabob

Fridays nights are the most relaxing night of the week for Ben and I. I like to pour a glass of wine and make something delicious for dinner. With our schedules so busy these days, I am not able to make dinner every night and so it makes Friday nights really special.

I had never actually made chicken kabob's before and it turns out they are very easy to make. I cut up the chicken and put it in marinade for the day. A couple hours before cooking time, I added greeen and red bell peppers to the marinade. Then you just stick them on the skewer and put them in the broiler (turning them once) until done. How wonderfully easy and tasty :) I also made spanish rice using a recipe i found on allrecipes.com. It had wonderful flavor and only took about 30 minutes to cook.

Any body that wants an easy dinner to make that tastes like it took hours should definitely try chicken kabob's.

P.S. THIS IS A PICTURE OF THE KABOB'S WAITING TO GO IN THE OVEN, THEY AREN'T COOKED YET

Creativity

Katie was painting a piece of wood that was going to be a sign for her bedrooom door. She was using lots of colors and somehow, she decided it looked like a butterfly. She did her best to make it look just like that. When I saw how hard she was working, I said "wow, you are very creative." she looked at me with a confused expression. It was then that I realized she did not know what that word meant. I explained in child-like terms... I said that it meant she was using her imagination and there was lots of extra stuff there.

later on that day, Jack was telling an obvious lie about his day at school. Katie laughing said, "Jack, Are you trying to be creative?" It was too perfect. Guess I didn't explain very well. His using his imagination was more of a lie than creative, but still adorable none the less. They never cease to amaze me!

Craving Spring

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH it was in the 50's yesterday. I can't even believe it :) I took the kids to the park for 3 hours and I finally had to demand we leave since the sun had already set. They were excited to release their cabin fever. Only problem is that we know it's only a tease. There will definitely be some days that are still freezing before we get to actual spring. At least for now we got a small taste and now I can sit and wait and imagine filling my craving for spring.

Did an entire week just pass by?

What a week it has been? I have been so crazed with work and school and snow storms that this week was excruciatingly long. Here is an idea of my schedule this week.

Monday - leave for school 7am, there until 11am
pick Katie up from school noon - watch katie and jack until 7:30
8pm - 10pm D-group and then I hung out with a friend afterwards til midnight

Tuesday - obnoxious out- patient procedure at the hopsital 9am - noon
shovel my driveway 3 times
homework until 10pm

Wednesday - leave for school 7am, there until 11am
pick Katie up from school noon - watch katie and jack until 6pm
Write a paper- bed at 11pm

Thursday - leave for school 7am, there until 11am
pick Katie up from school noon - watch katie and jack until 7:30pm
midweek 8pm - 9:30
Bed at 10:30
Friday - leave for school 7am, there until 11am
pick Katie up from school noon - watch katie and jack until 7:30pm
Home and straight to bed finally

Ben had to console me on Friday morning because I started crying when the alarm clock went off. I was so exhausted and did not want to get out of bed. On the bright side I slept until 10am this lazy saturday morning and I am looking forward to doing nothing all day long :)

why don't you have a mommy?

I am a nanny part time for a 4 year old little girl named katie and a 6 year old little boy named Jack. Although a lot of times they are the source of my headaches, they bring me joy most of the time. They ask questions that sometimes make me laugh because they dont make any sense or they ask me things that make so much sense to me but I still can't explain it to them. For example, one day Jack asked me, "If a house is for sale, does that mean it costs less money now?" Too adorable... for sale verses on sale!

Today however, did not make me laugh but made me teary instead. I had just picked Katie up from pre-school and on the way home she randomly and so innocently asked, "Becky, why don't you have a mommy?" The obvious and sensible answer would be 'because she passed away,' but instead i was stumped. I actually didn't know how to answer because I realized I didn't know why I didn't have a mom. I understand that she is gone, but I don't understand why she is gone. That for me is the hardest thing. If there was any explanation of any kind, I think I could move on more easily, but being content just knowing God had a reason doesn't always seem enough for me. As I write that, I see how ridiculous it may come across that I actually think I am entitled to receive reasoning from God, but at the same timethere are moments when it really can feel that way. Sometimes it's still hard to grip and even though it has been almost 8 months, on certain days it feels like it has been five minutes. I am told by friends and family that it passes and soon it will not seem so overwhelming, but the verdict is still out on that.

The most amazing part of that simple convo with Katie was that I had never told Katie that my mom had passed. She must have picked up on the fact that I talk about everyone else in my life, but my mom. I think I do this to avoid the subject all together. Kids intuition. There is nothing like it and they will always surprise me.

Busy Saturday

3am on Saturday morning I was wide awake with an excruciating migraine. It was one of those ones where if you sit up, stand, roll over or basically breath you get sharp shooting pains in your head. I was at a hotel with my Husband celebrating his birthday and this could not have been worse timing. Usually guilty by nature this did not help my insecurity, and i was feeling just awful about it. Finally at 9:30 in the morning and a couple of Advil's later, the head ache began to subside and we were ready for a fun filled day.

Our hotel was the Club Quarter in Boston, right next to State Street and Gov't center so we had the perfect opportunity to go tour fanuel hall. We walked around in the frigid cold and checked out the shops. We ended up having lunch at one of the food court options in the hall and had some of the most AMAZING mac 'n' cheese we have ever had. If you are making fun of us right now, you can turn your laughter around because I know most everybody has a secret love of mac 'n' cheese. Our next stop was Mike's Pastry in the North End, obviously. How could we not stop in for some deliciousness!

We left the city, stopped at the grocery store and then headed home, so I could do laundry and clean up before having dinner at a friend's house that night. We are always on the GO.