Spontaneity

This morning, after surviving madi using us as a jungle gym in our bed, I suggested that we take a walk to starbucks. To my surprise, my husband blurted out, "how about IHOP?" He was supposed to have an internship a couple days a week that recently feel through, which means we have extra time with daddy. We jumped up, threw on some clothes, and headed out to breakfast. It was so nice to chat and enjoy a leisurly breakfast with a hot cup of coffee in hand. Of course, our peanut now makes it her business to chat with every human being that crosses her path so the other breakfast goers might not have had as relaxing a time as usual. At least she's cute. :)

After that we decided to stop at a New balance shoe outlet. We were planning on just window shopping, but our daughter LOVES shoes and wanted every pair in sight. The truth is she did need new shoes and we found some on clearance for $10. Jackpot. Those little legs look so stinking adorable in her new sneakers.

All in all, it was a completely wonderful unplanned morning. And... we only needed light jackets in January. It was perfect.

Happiness is...

Happiness is...

Morning snuggles wih my sweet baby girl

Her giant smiles that she gives so freely

A loving husband who always kisses me goodnight and good morning

The awe in my daughters eyes as she tries to make sense of all this snow

My hot cup of coffee on cold mornings

A husband who is willing to have the tough conversations

And who waits patiently for me to get on bored with things (example....waited a year for me to get on the having a baby band wagon)

A God who gives me grace at my most selfish moments

A family I love so much I hate being away from them

Having friends that make it easy and are always there when you need them.

Life isn't always perfect and doesn't always go the way we plan, but I'm striving to be content in this new year. Accepting the blessings and the hardships and remembering where my happy place truly is.

Happy Anniversary to my one and only.

If you are looking for the perfect husband, look no further. I am married to him. Sure, we all have our minor flaws, but this man is perfect for me. He keeps me balanced without ever trying to change who I am. Not only does he accept who I am, but he likes who I am. We are best friends and in love. He is patient with me at my most stubborn times. He teaches me how to be confident in my skin and embrace my fears. He helps minimize my insecurities. This man loves the things about me that I like least and celebrates them. This is rare and I am so grateful for it. We have been together for almost 9 years and married for 4 of those and I actually do love him more today than all the days before.

He helps me to see things in a different like and with new perspectives. When I got a parking ticket and feared the worst of what he would say, he was kind instead and told me it was ok. When my mom passed away, he held me close so I would feel protected. When I cry, he wipes my tears away and kisses my cheeks. When he doesn't understand me, he listens anyway. When I wanted him to repaint the baby's room because after finishing the first paint job I changed my mind on the color, he did it and never once got mad at me. When I am being unreasonable, he tells me so. And while, I may not get my way, he makes it clear that he finds my unreasonable states adorable. When I don't squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom, he shakes his head at me, but then lets it go. When I get overwhelmed and neurotic about the cleanliness of our home, he jumps in to help me. All in all, he is always there for me.

This man is the best dad. He gets down on all fours to play peek a boo around the corners and reads books to our baby girl before snuggling with her in a rocking chair. He changes diapers, gets meals together, and takes her to the park. He never passes up an opportunity to laugh with his tiny sweetheart. He loves her wholeheartedly.

I am sure that there isn't anything this man would not do for me. I know I am a priority and I know I am loved. I admire his patience and work ethic. He is strong- willed and responsible. He takes care of our family, keeping a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. There is no doubt that I married the perfect one for me and I look forward to many more years together.

She's back, but he's gone

Phew... I wasn't sure we were going to make it out of that, but alas my daughter has returned. I guess she was just going through something or maybe it was the combo of unfamiliar people and a new place. If you look back to my last post I was venting about our separation anxiety phase. Madi is back to her fun loving self, greeting everyone she sees and saying "bye" to all shopping guests as we leave the trader joes with her wrinkle nosed smile. It has been a relief to have my friendly girl back. With her independence back she has decided to really exercise her verbal skills. I wrote them all down today to see how many she could say and she has 30 words. Are you kidding me? Not a day goes by that she doesn't remind me how special she is and how blessed we are to have her. The downside, new verbal skills equal persistence and a lot of push back. Example... this morning just before breakfast she walked up to me and said' "cookie." I explained that she needed to eat a healthy breakfast and offered her yogurt and oatmeal. She said, "no, no, no." I asked her what she wanted and she again said "cookie." I said "no," she countered with "please" which actually sounds more like plea. I tried my best to get her to eat a good breakfast, but she refused. As a result, she ate no breakfast at all and was perfectly happy about it. I wasn't going to give in on the cookie situation and neither was she. She is incredibly stubborn, which will maybe serve us well later in life if she becomes a lawyer and we need her assistance. For now, it is an issue. she On the upside, she has been very sweet lately giving lots of hugs and snuggles. I can't complain there.

While there is joy due to the return of Madilynn's fun loving spirit, there is sadness in our home as we continue to miss Da who has been in China for 4 days and has another 8 to go. Our home is not complete without daddy. I am far more sad than I expected. It is such a long time to be away and is literally on the other side of the world. There is an anxiety in me, worrying that something could happen to him, Madi, or I and we wouldn't be able to get to each other quick enough. It is a 20 hour plane ride with a 13 hour time difference. This is where my faith is tested and I have to trust that God will take care of him and return him home to me, but it is hard to surrender those emotions. No matter how busy our days are, I still think of him throughout all of it. I miss hearing his voice throughout my day and I miss the good morning and good night kisses. It's hard to hear my baby girl ask for him and not understand where he is and why he hasn't come home. We try to keep busy with LOTS (understatement) of play dates and my DIY redecorating of our bedroom. Pictures to come soon. Definitely check back because it is turning out pretty amazing if i do say so myself.

Sorry this blog is all over the place, my mind is a little fried from chasing my toddler who has learned to run pretty fast. :)

Tears, Tears, Tears

Separation anxiety is the pits. I feel bad for her and bad for myself all at the same time. My baby has it VERY bad. She cries every time she can't see me. Even in the car. If I am not in the back seat with her she cries. I don't mean a little whining either. I mean absolute panic attack with crocodile tears. We had her birthday party and she was just fine. I think she feels safe at home and with our close friends. When we are somewhere else is when she gets upset. And if someone tries to pick her up she absolutely freaks out. It is almost as if she is afraid they are going to take her. My husband and the pediatritian think it is mostly stemming from the trauma of the surgery combined with her developmental stage. And I just have no idea. The bottom line is... I am exhausted. Now that we are on vacation visiting in the in laws who she doesn't really remember we are at an all time low. Tears most of the day. If I take a shower she tries to stand outside the bathroom crying and banging on the door. She is only happy when physically attached to me and that is a lot on a person. I want to encourage her to basically get over it, but we are also in a new environment with people she doesnt know and I don't want to make it worse. It is a difficult balancing act. I love and adore her, but I am desperate for this to all pass. I miss her being happy all of the time. Sorry for my rant. It's sort of all that my mind has room for right now.

She's ONE!!!!

I can't believe it. One year ago today, my baby girl joined the world. I am sad and happy all at the same time. I hate that I have to admit that she is very much a toddler and not a baby. I am also so proud of her. My oh my the things she has done in a year. It's unbelievable.

We spent the day as a family and it was wonderful. We started by heading to Children's Hospital Boston to have her cast removed and get a splint made in Occupational Therapy. It was exciting. She now has 10 fingers like all the other kids and she has already started putting those two fully functioning hands to work destroying the house :)

We gave her a cupcake to dive into after we sang happy birthday and blew out the candle. It was a joyful moment. My heart is so full it could burst and at the same time I feel like there is so much more room to love. I feel accomplished. Ben and I made it. This isn't just a birthday, but an anniversary of the day we became parents. There have been great days and awful days. In the end everything was worth it. We all made it and we are happy with our beautiful family. It makes me hopeful for our future and excited to see where our life will go.

Here are a couple of photos of our day!

Discovered with two hands she could really do some damage!

I can't believe it. One year ago today, my baby girl joined the world. I am sad and happy all at the same time. I hate that I have to admit that she is very much a toddler and not a baby. I am also so proud of her. My oh my the things she has done in a year. It's unbelievable.

We spent the day as a family and it was wonderful. We started by heading to Children's Hospital Boston to have her cast removed and get a splint made in Occupational Therapy. It was exciting. She now has 10 fingers like all the other kids and she has already started putting those two fully functioning hands to work destroying the house :)

We gave her a cupcake to dive into after we sang happy birthday and blew out the candle. It was a joyful moment. My heart is so full it could burst and at the same time I feel like there is so much more room to love. I feel accomplished. Ben and I made it. This isn't just a birthday, but an anniversary of the day we became parents. There have been great days and awful days. In the end everything was worth it. We all made it and we are happy with our beautiful family. It makes me hopeful for our future and excited to see where our life will go.

Here are a couple of photos of our day!

I am grateful for...

I am grateful for...
my husband who loves me despite my faults,
my daughter who can always make me smile even when she's getting into trouble,
baby giggles,
my home that is safe and warm and filled with love,
our friends who have stood by us through thick and thin,
cupcakes (I just love them),
night time prayer with daddy and baby,
a warm fall (love 60 degree days in December),
coffee at all times a day,
the good health of my friends and family,
our neighborhood that has most everything in walking distance,
a God who thought I was worth it,
and everything I am sure our future has to offer us. The potential is amazing!