It's All Ok

Having a baby has completely changed my perspective and made me a much more positive person. In the past, if I didn't get 8 hours of sleep at night I would be sleepy and upset. Now, I thank God for two hours and now that she sleeps five at a time I just want to jump for joy. Still, if she slept only one hour I would be delighted. Beggers can't be choosers.

Additionally, Madi has reflux...ugghhh. It makes me sad that she is uncomfortable, but the positive is that it's just reflux. Of all the things that can go wrong with a baby, I will happily take reflux. And there is something about this baby girl that makes all things worth it. When she is feeling good, she is soooooooo happy. She doesn't get fussy in the evening like most babies and only cries when she wants to be put down for a nap or fed or is having tummy aches from the reflux (which we are learning to keep at bay and reduce the discomfort... all in good time).

The down side, I am constantly drenched in spit up, up to my ears in laundry full of burp cloths and bibs, and envious of every mom in my new moms group who have babies that don't wear bibs and don't have to be held up right for 30 minutes after each feeding. With Madi, I have to try to burp her every ten minutes in every feeding, keep her upright for thirty minutes and every few nights spend the entire night bouncing a screaming baby. But... then that passes and she has a good day and she looks at me and smiles as if to say, "thanks for trying to soothe me mommy. I feel much better now." And then every thing is better and I could care less that I got no sleep or smell like sour milk.

I think God made babies so loveable so that the hardships of being a new mom are worth it. And she is, without a doubt, worth it. I am that obnoxious mother that wants to kiss her cheeks 24/7 and sometimes I get really antsy when she takes a long nap because I miss her and want her to wake up. She is just so fun.

I don't care if I don't sleep for a week, look frumpy from a lack of time to prep myself, or never have a moment to get my self something to eat again. I have never been so happy to be so all over the place. She's worth it and that makes it all ok.

A favorite

About five years ago I read a book called Captivating by Staci Eldredge. It is a book written for and geared towards women who try with all their might to be believers of God. It touches on the innate emotions of a woman and how and why that shapes her. This book for me was enlightening and life changing. Recently, in an effort to reconnect with something greater than myself... God of course... I started to reread this book. Again; it is just as thought provoking. I strongly recommend this book.

Here are a couple of my favorite quotes.

"A mother's heart is a vast and glorious thing. My mother's heart was expansive, having been enlarged by suffering and years of clinging to Jesus while being misunderstood, dismissed, and judged by those she loved most. Me included. It had cost her to love, had cost her much to mother. It always does. But she would tell you that it's worth it, that there is no other way."

"We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil."

Any suggestions for other great reads?

unpredictable

Life with Madi is very unpredictable. Sometimes she sleeps like a champ and wakes only once in the night and sometimes she barely sleeps at all. Still, I enjoy all of my moments with her. I feel like i have found my calling. I love knowing that I have such a special relationship with this tiny person. I know her cries and what they mean, I know her favorite way to be held, soothed, and comforted. I know what she wants by certain looks she gives me. And I love that knowing these things makes me a good mom. I know her and can therefore almost always make her happy when she's sad. I love every new stage she enters but not so secretly am sad to see old ones leave. We gave her a bottle for the first time this week and I actually cried. I thought maybe she would miss me, but she could care less as long as there was milk in that bottle. At the same time, while sad, I was also so proud of her acting like such a big girl and being so flexible with change. I know there will be many more moments where I mourn the passing of a stage, but at least I am still excited to see what comes next.

Great Inventions

For those of you that have infants who prefer the soother pacifiers and they are constantly flipping out because the pacifier fell out of their mouth... get a Wubbanub. The attached stuffed animal helps the paci stay in the mouth. It's unbelievable.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_1_8?url=search-alias%3Dbaby-products&field-keywords=wubbanub&sprefix=wubbanub

We live a different life now. This I have decided is one of the greatest inventions ever.

For Better or Worse

Yesterday was my third wedding anniversary. Additionally, as you know, we had a baby just one month ago. This anniversary was particularly special looking at the beautiful family we have started. We had planned to go to dinner and then have a romantic evening at home. The plan was to go to dinner, as we did, and then go home to put the baby to bed and spend some time together.

HA HA HA HA... Madi had other plans. She was up until 2:30am and refused to sleep in her crib. Instead she slept on me in a recliner. So much for our romantic evening, but more than that... so much for trying to make plans anymore. Everyday is surely a surprise. Good thing she is cute :)

Madi - the things you have taught us

Miss Madi bear,

I thought it would be nice to let you know all of the things we have learned about you in this first month of your life and then print it to add to your baby book.

We have learned a lot emotionally. First of all, you have taught us to love in a deeper way that we didn't know existed. There is not one thing I would not do for you and I have found it my new goal in life to spend most waking moments trying to make you as happy and content as possible and I am enjoying every minute of it. You have recently started to try our patience. You have discovered your lungs and have been exercising them regularly. Now that you can see better and are more alert you want to take in all of the world around you. Sadly, your little body can not handle all of that stimulation yet. As a result, you eventually just flip out in inconsolable screams. I want to be able to explain to you that if you would just close your eyes and stop looking at everything you wouldn't get so upset, but we obviously can't communicate that way yet. You have also decided that drifting off to sleep at will when you feel like it is over rated and if we don't purposely make the effort to put you to sleep when you are tired, you would stay awake all day. (which you have done, resulting in a serious melt down) You get that stubborn streak from me... sorry about that. Still, most of the time you are a very content baby and are usually happy just to sit and watch me or the things around you.

We have learned a lot about your likes and dislikes and can now tell what you want/need by even just the look in your eyes. Somehow your face tells a story and lets us know what you need in that moment.

Here is a list of things we have learned about you...
- you do not like to be swaddled
- you like to sleep with your arms over your head or covering your eyes
- you like to sleep on your side... particularly the left side
- if you get too frantic before you eat, you scream and swallow air... which means you need to - burp before we start nursing and you hate to be burped so that is usually where you put up a fight
- you have a dairy allergy
- best thing to soothe you is walking... swaying, bouncing, rocking all do not work when you are really upset
- you like to stare at the ceiling fan
- you love to stare at daddy while he talks to you
- favorite place to be... curled up like a koala bear on my chest
- love your bath, but hate to have your clothes changed
- believe it or not you actually laugh in your sleep and I have many witnesses who will attest to this, while you can't do it yet while conscious it is quite a sight to see while you are sound asleep. You have the most beautiful smile!

There are many more things we are going to learn about you and I can't believe how much we have already learned. You did not come with a set of instructions, but it seems you don't take batteries just love and that I have plenty of. Hopefully that will be enough to keep you in proper working condition :) I love you with every single part of my being and while it makes me sad that everyday you grow a day older and are getting bigger, I am still excited to continue to learn more about you.

Love more and more every day,
mommy

Bye Bye Ice Cream

Madilynn has a milk allergy :( :( :(

What this means for her breastfeeding mommy... no milk in my diet.

I went off dairy for about a week to see if there was a difference in her poop (yes I said poop... welcome to my new life), spit up, sleep, congestion, etc. Sure enough every day got a little better. To see if it really was the dairy, I spend 24 hours back on milk products. Boy did Madi pay the price for that one. It was awful. About 24 hours after my first milk consumption, the belly aches started. Her face turns bright red, she scrunches her knees in and has a very distinct my belly hurts cry. It was so hard to see her in so much pain. Not to mention neither of us getting any sleep for 48 hours. The bright side, we know its the dairy and can therefore do something about it. The downside, I love cheese and ice cream.

If anyone has suggestions of foods that have a milk protein substitute I am all ears. Keep in mind, I need to eat light on the soy as well as she has a slight reaction to that as well. In the end, her feeling her best is worth never having ice cream again.