A favorite

About five years ago I read a book called Captivating by Staci Eldredge. It is a book written for and geared towards women who try with all their might to be believers of God. It touches on the innate emotions of a woman and how and why that shapes her. This book for me was enlightening and life changing. Recently, in an effort to reconnect with something greater than myself... God of course... I started to reread this book. Again; it is just as thought provoking. I strongly recommend this book.

Here are a couple of my favorite quotes.

"A mother's heart is a vast and glorious thing. My mother's heart was expansive, having been enlarged by suffering and years of clinging to Jesus while being misunderstood, dismissed, and judged by those she loved most. Me included. It had cost her to love, had cost her much to mother. It always does. But she would tell you that it's worth it, that there is no other way."

"We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil."

Any suggestions for other great reads?

unpredictable

Life with Madi is very unpredictable. Sometimes she sleeps like a champ and wakes only once in the night and sometimes she barely sleeps at all. Still, I enjoy all of my moments with her. I feel like i have found my calling. I love knowing that I have such a special relationship with this tiny person. I know her cries and what they mean, I know her favorite way to be held, soothed, and comforted. I know what she wants by certain looks she gives me. And I love that knowing these things makes me a good mom. I know her and can therefore almost always make her happy when she's sad. I love every new stage she enters but not so secretly am sad to see old ones leave. We gave her a bottle for the first time this week and I actually cried. I thought maybe she would miss me, but she could care less as long as there was milk in that bottle. At the same time, while sad, I was also so proud of her acting like such a big girl and being so flexible with change. I know there will be many more moments where I mourn the passing of a stage, but at least I am still excited to see what comes next.

Great Inventions

For those of you that have infants who prefer the soother pacifiers and they are constantly flipping out because the pacifier fell out of their mouth... get a Wubbanub. The attached stuffed animal helps the paci stay in the mouth. It's unbelievable.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_1_8?url=search-alias%3Dbaby-products&field-keywords=wubbanub&sprefix=wubbanub

We live a different life now. This I have decided is one of the greatest inventions ever.

For Better or Worse

Yesterday was my third wedding anniversary. Additionally, as you know, we had a baby just one month ago. This anniversary was particularly special looking at the beautiful family we have started. We had planned to go to dinner and then have a romantic evening at home. The plan was to go to dinner, as we did, and then go home to put the baby to bed and spend some time together.

HA HA HA HA... Madi had other plans. She was up until 2:30am and refused to sleep in her crib. Instead she slept on me in a recliner. So much for our romantic evening, but more than that... so much for trying to make plans anymore. Everyday is surely a surprise. Good thing she is cute :)

Madi - the things you have taught us

Miss Madi bear,

I thought it would be nice to let you know all of the things we have learned about you in this first month of your life and then print it to add to your baby book.

We have learned a lot emotionally. First of all, you have taught us to love in a deeper way that we didn't know existed. There is not one thing I would not do for you and I have found it my new goal in life to spend most waking moments trying to make you as happy and content as possible and I am enjoying every minute of it. You have recently started to try our patience. You have discovered your lungs and have been exercising them regularly. Now that you can see better and are more alert you want to take in all of the world around you. Sadly, your little body can not handle all of that stimulation yet. As a result, you eventually just flip out in inconsolable screams. I want to be able to explain to you that if you would just close your eyes and stop looking at everything you wouldn't get so upset, but we obviously can't communicate that way yet. You have also decided that drifting off to sleep at will when you feel like it is over rated and if we don't purposely make the effort to put you to sleep when you are tired, you would stay awake all day. (which you have done, resulting in a serious melt down) You get that stubborn streak from me... sorry about that. Still, most of the time you are a very content baby and are usually happy just to sit and watch me or the things around you.

We have learned a lot about your likes and dislikes and can now tell what you want/need by even just the look in your eyes. Somehow your face tells a story and lets us know what you need in that moment.

Here is a list of things we have learned about you...
- you do not like to be swaddled
- you like to sleep with your arms over your head or covering your eyes
- you like to sleep on your side... particularly the left side
- if you get too frantic before you eat, you scream and swallow air... which means you need to - burp before we start nursing and you hate to be burped so that is usually where you put up a fight
- you have a dairy allergy
- best thing to soothe you is walking... swaying, bouncing, rocking all do not work when you are really upset
- you like to stare at the ceiling fan
- you love to stare at daddy while he talks to you
- favorite place to be... curled up like a koala bear on my chest
- love your bath, but hate to have your clothes changed
- believe it or not you actually laugh in your sleep and I have many witnesses who will attest to this, while you can't do it yet while conscious it is quite a sight to see while you are sound asleep. You have the most beautiful smile!

There are many more things we are going to learn about you and I can't believe how much we have already learned. You did not come with a set of instructions, but it seems you don't take batteries just love and that I have plenty of. Hopefully that will be enough to keep you in proper working condition :) I love you with every single part of my being and while it makes me sad that everyday you grow a day older and are getting bigger, I am still excited to continue to learn more about you.

Love more and more every day,
mommy

Bye Bye Ice Cream

Madilynn has a milk allergy :( :( :(

What this means for her breastfeeding mommy... no milk in my diet.

I went off dairy for about a week to see if there was a difference in her poop (yes I said poop... welcome to my new life), spit up, sleep, congestion, etc. Sure enough every day got a little better. To see if it really was the dairy, I spend 24 hours back on milk products. Boy did Madi pay the price for that one. It was awful. About 24 hours after my first milk consumption, the belly aches started. Her face turns bright red, she scrunches her knees in and has a very distinct my belly hurts cry. It was so hard to see her in so much pain. Not to mention neither of us getting any sleep for 48 hours. The bright side, we know its the dairy and can therefore do something about it. The downside, I love cheese and ice cream.

If anyone has suggestions of foods that have a milk protein substitute I am all ears. Keep in mind, I need to eat light on the soy as well as she has a slight reaction to that as well. In the end, her feeling her best is worth never having ice cream again.

Late Nights

It is 5am and I have been up with Madilynn since 4. Still, I cannot complain. She slept in her crib from 1 - 4 so I definitely got a decent nap. I have found these late night feedings to be very peaceful and reflective. Sure, I am exhausted, but I am also reminded of how lucky I am. It is so quiet at this time of night and the sleeping baby on my chest brings me so much joy and peace. These moments I cherish, because surely one day she will no longer need me in the middle of the night. And... while I do cherish them, I am also truly exhausted. 2 -3 hours of sleep at a time for 3 1/2 weeks has worn me. I find myself wishing my husband could breastfeed ;) and lets face it that is just delusional (a sure sign of my fatigue).