As you know I have been going insane trying to do an apartment make over of sorts. I got overly excited about painting the kitchen and when I asked Ben if we could do it this weekend, he said "NO." He clearly explained that it is nearing the end of our credit card statement and he would rather make the paint purchases on the next credit card cycle. Very understandable and responsible. None the less, I had a melt down consisting of a crying fit. Now, to me and I am sure all of you this appears to be completely ridiculous. Why is this girl throwing a fit because she doesn't get what she wants? So juvenile. I was embarrassed and Ben was confused, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong. After the tears subsided I realized the correlation. This entire situation does not look much different to my actions around the time of my moms death almost one year ago.
I think I am just running around trying to be busy and productive so that I can not be left alone with my own thoughts. It turns out that this is going to be more difficult and emotional that I had anticipated. I know that eventually I will not be able to run and I will have to think about it and get through it. However, I would like to have a safe, comfortable home that is reflective of my hard work to be able to just let out all of the grief and sadness. Until then, I will continue to revamp my apartment.
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